Depressed

i'm so not myself thses few days, seriously i need a break..a break far from everyone, a break far from KL.. i need a peaceful place to think what and who am i now..from the beginning of this year till now, i'm so not myself at all..not the Yuen Shin people once knew, not the Yuen Shin people once see, not the Yuen Shin people once used to laugh with..

i'm in great dilemma that i can't say it out in public..i'm so sick of living.. i'm dead serious..i'm wondering now whether to still be seen or not..i'm starting to get depressed..i think i need to talk to someone who can actually help me with my problem before i end up getting crazy..i need someone who can actually wake me up from all this trouble..take me far away..FAR FAR away..

deep down inside me i don't really feel like going to australia to study already, but then because of all the problems and troubles that are going through here, i can't stand it but to leave..i know people will say why should i run away from my problems and instead settle it, but it's not as easy as it seems..i'm trying very hard to solve it, but it never do..so what's the last resort? to run away from it!

do i have a choice? i have to agree with everyone in order to fit in any group, i have to agree with any decision made by people who i respect and love..if i don't will i be having friends now? if i don't do you think people will at least still recognized Yuen Shin as their friend? if i'm always the leader, i don't think i'll actually have any friends already..i am still happy and grateful to have all my friends that I am with now, but then i know there are things which i'm not satisfy with as well, but do i have the choice but to shut up? it's impossible for me to say what have i got to say because in the end i will lose everthing..

i ADMIT i am scared to lose people..if i choose to confront i have to be prepared to lose, but then i am not prepared for it..

p/s: this is only meant to be read. forget about trying to help..is not that i'm trying to be bossy, but then no one can help me but myself, thanks for those who care, and if you care for me, just do me a favour, don't ask me anything..thank you

I WILL FIND MY WAY OUT SOMEDAY....