Confused

I'm sometimes very confused with what I'm doing. Am I blind or am I not? Am I all out of love or I want more? Why am I doing things that I'm not supposed to do and not doing things that I am supposed to do? What's with me nowadays? What happened to the Yuen Shin that I once knew? Sometimes I feel that I've changed to be a very different person whom people no longer know me that well anymore. Why did I changed? Did I do it on purpose? Did I do it for the sake of doing it? Or did I do it just because I want to please everyone? I know it's wrong, but I still continue doing it. There are a lot of things that I want to talk about to someone who I can trust, but I can't because I don't trust anyone besides myself. I cry sometimes wondering what has become of me? I don't know who am I now. I need someone to tell me and guide me, but who? Enough said, sometimes I hope I was never born out in this world!