ONE MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY

My previous post was just about dear celebrating my birthday for me. This one now, is about my great friends whom brought more fun into my birthday this year. At 11 hours 59 minutes 59 seconds, 20th august 2006, was the last minute of my birthday.

Earlier this morning, I was just staying at home so boring. Chat with su-lyn, weng wai, ling ying and complaint to yoong kang that is so boring and he asked back, "birthday also so boring ar?". Then was chatting with wei leng and I actually asked her "what day is today ar?" she answered, "what day?" I said, "my birthday la!" then she said, "don't lie"..hahaha..then nevermind, dear came over twice, once was to pass me my lunch then he left 10 minutes later to fetch his sister from piano class and the other one was to pass water to me. Before he passed the water to me, I called him and asked him where was he, he said he was on the way to edwin's house to return back some money. Then I was wondering, wah~~so free to run here and there ar? He took a on hour nap when he left back to home at 4pm and said he'll bring me out for dinner later.

Okay, being as blur as usually wei leng can be, maybe this time I'm more blur. Firstly, everything was already planned. Everyone's acting skills were very good. I give you all an A++. Chat with su-lyn, she never mentioned anything about celebrating my birthday, chat with ling ying also like that, chat with weng wai also something like that, just telling me, "ok, I need to go out, chat later" then chat with yoong kang, he can tell me, "oklar, have to go out already, bye bye!" Chat with wei leng somemore never wish me and keep talking about her eric c (sorry lar didn't read your blog till now). And most of all, my dear. Full of drama, when I called him in the afternoon before he passed me the water, he told me he was on the way to edwin's house when actually he was together with weng wai still searching for my cake that I wanted to eat so much. Then in the evening when I was waiting for him to come I messaged him and ask where was he, he said he was on the LDP highway, damn jan, when actually he was already at uni waiting for the rest to come before he can come and fetch me, after fetching me, he pretend to ask where I want to eat and when I said don't know, he came out with an idea, let's eat thai food, spicy somemore. I was like OK.

While searching for parking, he was acting weird when I suggested to use the road that will pass by the restaurant and after parking and while walking to the restaurant, I turned my head and saw my friends, weng wai, su-lyn, ling ying, yoong kang, benjamin, tee yen and aik hoong all sitting down on the table. The moment I entered, weng wai and the rest were like, "eh how come you all here? wah so ngam we eat in the same place! and got extra chair somemore!" hahahaha, you guys really made my day. At the dinner table, dear told me, cannot find you "Suchan" cake shop lar. I was like nevermind lar, any cake also can, don't have to purposely be that particular one but in the end, it was the TIRAMISU CAKE FROM SUCHAN! Hmm, how many more surprises you want to give me baby? haha

Thanks to wei leng for coming though you showed up late and for tee yen for turning up though you are not feeling well. To ben who had to sacrifice his MAN U game and for eating so much that MAN U managed to score so many goals. and of cuz to the rest also. It's ok, halim if you can't make it. calling me "jie jie" in your message is already touching enough also! haha. everyone, THANK YOU THANK YOU!! muaks muaks

I guess, my special birthday brought luck to some people. Wei Leng, you wont a N73 handphone and baby, you won't kinda alot in poker!! I hope I'll always be everyone's lucky charm. ;)

Having you all as my friends are already one great present to me every single year. Without you guys, I don't know what will everyday be like. =) You guys will be in my heart no matter what. Love you guys!!

And last but not least, having chin huang as my boyfriend is also the greatest gift for me. I love you!

p/s: but guys, you still owe me my present! but I also can't think what is out there for you all to buy for me already when the best are all in front of me!

Happy Birthday to ME

Well, yes, as the title says, it's my birthday today. My dear wanted to be the earliest to celebrate my birthday, so we celebrated yesterday. He brought me to Victoria Station and later, went for the movie "Click" together with Weng Wai nd Halim. It was a nice movie. Worth watching! I cried at certain parts of the movie. Touching yet funny. After movie, baby fetch me back, had a slow drive so when the clock strike 12am, he will be the first to wish me face to face. Yay! Guess what was my present from him?? A beautiful lovable necklace from diamond and platinum. I like it very much. Thank you very much, Chin Huang dear. *smiling*


Every birthday, will be a memorable one because it has its special memories. But this year, will be extra special. Celebrating with the one I LOVE and the one that meant a lot to me. That special person itself can be my birthday present already. I wish there will be more of these birthdays in years to come. Thank you very much for everything, dear.

Tired me

FIRST OF ALL, SORRY WEI LENG, DON'T GET JEALOUS LAR, I HAVE NOT DON'T MUCH THING WITH YOU BESIDES TALKING ON THE PHONE THAT'S WHY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BLOG ABOUT YOU! -anyway, should be proud that your name appeared already!!!-

Anyway, I slept for 10 hours on Thursday night. So damn tired. Dear fell sick yesterday but got worst the next day. So pity of him. He has not recovered yet till today. Maybe I'm not very good at looking after him but I did my best. lol. Well, I hope he gets well soon lar, before I end up getting sick again.

The day dear started to get sick, he got trap in bad lucks too. Pityful but funny when come to think about it. Got sort of scolding from mum early in the morning, a saman later in the morning, he was my partner in Digital Systems Lab, and we had to like do some experiment to find out the result. So we had to use this electrical component called and IC and can u imagine we connected the circuit for like 3-4 times and changes 3 ICs and the 3 ICs that was changed are all spoilt. OMG, really man, things like that barely happen, but it did, to us. *sigh* But nevermind lar, it's already over dear! hahahaha!

Work, work, work and more work

It's only the second week of the semester, but the loads of work, omg, it's getting more! We have maths tute to finish up, digital system preliminary work to be done before class, and also tute, then we have to discuss about our mechatronics project cause we need to pass up a proposal by next week. Adding to it, I have to study mechanics since I'm gonna retake the deffrered examination paper in August. So many things to do, so little time. Lucky I'm studying with my dear, so still got time to spend together while studying, if not, I can't imagine how to find time for one another. So now, we study and at the same time appreciate the time we spend together. Come to think about it, though it might be tiring, but worth it. =p

I realised my pimples are popping more and more these few days. Damn it! Its irritating! Maybe I should start eating proper food and not junk food and force myself to shit everyday!

Can't think of what to write already! So, adios!

Bye bye first week

Well, so fast the first week of the 2nd semester is already gone. My oh my, can you imagine how fast time past. This first week is mostly like a honeymoon week for most of us since there are only lectures. (ok i admit for mostly me and dear, it's seriously honeymoon week) But by next week we MUST be serious (mark my words for this) We have to, in order to try to overload the next semester. Anyway, everyday is a happy day for me as I spent most of the time with my dear. I'm so happy!! And I hope you are too, dear.

Today, I went shopping with my dear. The happiest shopping spree ever because I shopped together with my boyfriend for the first time. You won't want to know how much did both of us spent in *let me think* 4 hours. (secret, not going to tell). But hell, it was a lot. He bought himself 4 shirts, one shorts and a pair of slipper. I bought myself, 4 tops, one belt, a pair of slipper and one set of lingerie. More shopping to come, but not at the moment, broke already, maybe next year only la, when got more money. haha. But we did had a fun time carrying so many shopping bags and trying all kinda clothes. We went back home to nap for a while before we went out to have dinner. At 9, we went to ss2, the same restaurant that we had our lunch together with our uni friends for dinner again. Dear likes the "La Mien" (handmade noodles) there. I like it too!

Supposedly, we had to meet up with weng wai and halim, but half way while driving, dear's friend called him and asked whether they want to meet up to yum cha in sri hartamas along with dear's ex-gf. Sorry to weng wai, we had to ffk him and went to meet up with chin huang's friends in hartamas instead. My heart beat a little fast as I had to meet his ex-gf. I didn't really mind but at first I was afraid that he mind. Lucky he didn't also la, but yet, I still felt weird. But anyway, after meeting up, I was okay la. Hope he is too =p (Dear, I believe you are).

Well, here's a message for dear chin huang (which might make you guys *shiver* again):
Dear, no matter what happens, I will still love you. Though you make me worried for a while and sometimes made my heart stopped beating for a second, I will still love you. Nothing's going to change my feelings towards you. You will remain as the guy I love most for as long as it can. I won't say forever but I will just say for as long as I'm alive and I hope you will too. I TRULY LOVE YOU, CHEN CHIN HUANG. =)

Haze is back

Oh no! The god damn haze is back! When the haze comes, my health turns bad also. I hate that! I was sick last week. Somehow or rather recovered after 1 week plus cause I went to see the doctor. Today, my stomach is playing games with me. I'm feeling very uncomfortable. I don't know why. I just vomitted though, but stomach still very very uncomfortable. Blardy haze! Don't know where the hell's burning again.

Since I'm retaking my Mechanics, so my dear gave me my first "tuition" lesson today. He's good at this subject so he will teach me. =p

Things were as usual as every other day. Dear came to fetch me for class, had lunch, then went to ss15 to collect his money (world cup betting) and came back home to rest. Had mamak food for dinner. Maybe that is one of the cause for my uncomfortable stomach. =(

Hope I will feel better tomorrow~~~~

Maths lecture never fun

As usual, my dear will come visit every morning before we go out unless we have early lectures at 8am then he will pick me up straight and head to uni. After having enough of sleep, at 11 plus we met up with weng wai and soon heng to have lunch. We ate dim sum! *yum yum*. Afterthat, we had a ONE HOUR miserable Maths lecture. As usual, couldn't catch what he said. He is moving real fast like the "MRT" train in Singapore. So fast la "ah pek" cannot catch up with your speed. We students are just as fast as the "KTM" and you are moving as fast as the "MRT" where can? So much difference la! Anyway, the one hour managed to pass by and by 3pm, my usual group including dear played futsal. Me always being the only girl there will sit and wait and watch. Thus with the fucking weather which is so hot, alamak, is damn hot. Though I'm not playing, I'm also sweating like hell.

An hour and the half had passed, and the game is finally over. By the time, my shirt is already almost wet. Sweating, sweating, sweating. I hate sweating. Anyway, who does? Came back home, slept for a while, when for dinner. Felt a little bit fat, so started cleaning the whole apartment as a form of exercise. haha. Now I'm feeling tired and I'm going to sleep maybe after blogging or latest by 12am. I have 8am lecture tomorrow. I hope dear will be able to wake up. Not like Monday again. Called him at 8am and he just got up, thinking that I'm conning him that is 8am, but actually I'm not! Hallo, is really 8am la dear! Better make sure your alarm clock will work properly this time ha!

Second Year Second Semester

And so, Chin Huang and I had been together for about a week already. He seems to be the guy I dream of, well, let's hope he is. =)

Anyway, my first class starts today at 8am in the morning, thanks to my dear, we were late cause he couldn't get up! But forgiven cause he was working for the last two days of holidays (I accompanied him from 3pm till he finishes work which was around 9pm). He had to accompany me after working and fetch me back home to Klang on Sunday, practically, he didn't had enough of sleep. Well, lucky we were late for the damn lecture. My friends who were there in the lecture hall waiting to listen to the FIRST lecture was turned down, cause practically, MONASH is still finding a lecturer for this subject! WTF? We paid RM15,000++ to wait for them to find us a lecturer? That's real great! MUM, Good Job!

The next lecture was Digital Systems which starts at 11am-1pm. I couldn't catch what the hell he said in lectures. Firstly he didn't want to use the mic, maybe he thinks his voice was powerful and loud enough, but actually, it's so damn difficult to listen to what he is saying. He sounds like his mumbling to himself more than passing the facts on to the students. Quarter way through the lecture, one students shouted and asked him to use the damn microphone and lucky he finally did, but yet, he couldn't catch much of our attention. Gone, one lecture down that doesn's capture our interest!

Next was Mathematics B. Thought it would be okay, but OMG, our lecturer is like some "ah pek" who might be around 60 or a little less. He can't pronounce "r" properly. So, words like "very" becomes "vely", "engineering" becomes "engineeling". Walau, typical Chinaman pronounciation!! But still can be lecturer. Dear said, maybe if we find him personally, we should ask him to speak chinese instead. lol!

Anyway, the first day of class wasn't that interesting. Hope it won't get worst.

Girl with a broken smile has RETURN happy again

I'm reminiscing back where I first fell for this guy and after a while i stop having feelings for him and then had feelings for him again when he started showing signs that he likes me too. He used to be a close of friend of mine, whom i share all my secrets with him. Happiness and sadness. Though friends, we looked like couple cuz sometimes we act like one. When people ask, are you couples, we smile and say NO! But after a year, WE are now OFFICIALLY couples. Yes. On the 10th July 2006, last day of world cup where Italy won, Chin Huang and me (Yuen) became couples. I'm not trying to be bossy, but I'm just happy. Surprising?! Nah, everybody already expected but it was just a matter of time. For me, i never thought it will come so soon. But nevermind la, he's already my boyfriend now, and yes when people ask, i can comfortably say YES. I have not been with a boy whom i really like since I broke up with pei fei. After pei fei, my other relationships were like "flings". Come, come, go , go.

But this one, is someone whom i really like. I knew him for a little bit more than a year before we got together as couples. Someone who like me for half a year before he dare to take the chance to be my official boyfriend. I do not know what other words can replace "happy" but i am very happy. A girl who had a broken smile has now found back her smile again. And i hope this time it will last. I'll mark my words for that. All my close friends will know how happy am i and maybe him too la. Especially yk whose listen to my ups and downs story which sometimes makes him go crazy and always say i'm full of shit. Thinking back, hell yes i am! lol!

I'm grateful that now i'm finally together with him. No worries that he will get a gf before me. What happens in the future, that, i'll think later. For the time being, i'll just stay happy and enjoy.

Dear, if you are reading this, you mean a lot to me and you make me happy. I love you very much, chen chin huang. =) (sorry to others, if this sounds "yok ma". haha but when people is in love you know la.)

Plain nonsense

When i named my blog "life of an ordinary teenager" it really is. everyday, is plain boring. the daily routine repeats and usually, nothing interesting happen. i'm gonna repeat what i said in my previous blog. life's boring! i wonder why huh? could it be because i don't know how to enjoy life? or maybe my life's coming to an end (fuck! i'm starting to talk rubbish again) anyway, don't worry nothing's wrong with me. maybe because it's so boring that i can't think of what to say!

Everyday, everyone has something to do. I also do. Early in the morning, I fetch my mum to work, then come back, continue sleeping, go out have lunch, meet friends for either shopping or a movie, then eat then come back, have dinner with parents sometimes with friends then watch tv and then sleep. this routine repeats everytime i'm on holiday.

Sometimes it's plain wondering. Well, i used to drive up practically EVERYTIME to find my friends. One day my mum said, why can't your friends come down? i couldn't answer her and just smiled. come to think about it, yeah why cant they come down when i can go up? morover i'm a GIRL. from pj going to sri petaling is almost as far as from pj coming down to klang right? is i can go up to kl, people from kl also can come down to klang right? morover they have their own car and i don't! i usually have to borrow my mum's car when i want to go out. nevermind la, no point complaining. cause no one understands. anyway, as long everyone happy can already! Even more, when people from Malacca is willing to drive down to Klang to pay a visit so i'm wondering why the fuck KL people can complain?

Let's hope for this holiday to over soon! =p

Back for good I hope

Yes, I’m back, blogging again. Feeling very bored this few days that’s why.

Have you ever reached to a stage in your life where you feel everything around you is boring? Well, I did. I suddenly feel everything around me is so boring which means life’s getting boring. When I was 17, I dream to club every night, begging my mum to allow me to club, but when I started clubbing, I find it boring now. When I was in my teens, girls crave to have boyfriends, so do I, but now I crave to be single. When I was younger, I dream to shop everyday, now I find it boring to shop everyday. Watching movie last time was like something great, now it’s like a daily routine. When I just got my license, I’ll do anything just to drive, but now, I want a driver. Before, I wanted to stay out so much, now I rather be back home. More, I wanted much freedom, now I have it, I rather give it back. I’m only 20, but why am I finding certain things a so boring already? I’m not even half way through life and I’m already complaining life’s boring. I sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me. But never mind, I’ll wait and see what’s more to come or me. =p

I just came back from Cameron Highlands. 5 years ago, my parents used to go up to Cameron at least 5 times a year, but now since I’m grown up, only once or twice a year. Well it was okay, the weather was fucking cold in the night and during the day the cool wind was fucking strong. I ate a lot as usual, especially sweet potatoes, fried sweet potatoes my favourite! Hope I didn’t put on much weight. I was sick a month ago for one month, and now I’m sick again, but not the worst yet (which I hope not) I’m having slight sore throat, cold and cough. If I ever get sick for a month again, I think I will shrink till no one will recognise me.

Recently, all my mind can think about is, shopping, shopping, shopping and shopping. Will anyone volunteer to be my sugar daddy? Haha. The next think on my mind is results, results and results. I just praying hard and hoping for the best to happen! God bless me!

I'm blind and invisible

I'm sick for more than a week already, but have not recover yet...i'm having a very bad sorethroat, adding to that, my cough is here now, so my throat is even more hurt...i've been coughing very very badly for the past few days, especially in the night, that tonight, i could already taste blood in my throat...

do i need to actually cough blood out and get admitted to a hospital, then only someone will realise that i'm actually sick? or maybe i should cough till i die, then only someone will realise that i'm suddenly no where to be seen...friends come friends go, and only when i'm in need, i can see who are my real friends...friends who really care for you, friends who are really in great help when you need one and most important of all, friends who accept you for who you are...

maybe, i'm fucking invisible to someone's eyes...i was never appeared in that person's eyes before, i'm blind for all these while, i always thought it was like that, but it never was, it was all the while the opposite of what i was thinking..i was blinded in the beginning..but blessing in disguise, i realised and came to a stop...i woke up from my "dreamland" and i stopped everything...i don't want to care anymore, i don't want to waste my effort on something that i know will never happen...

NOW, i wanna recover from my cough and bad sorethroat soon, so that i can start focussing and achieve my goal, at least i know if i study hard enough, i will be and earn what i want in future, better than putting hope in something that i know i will never get..

if you regret one day, don't come back to me cuz for me, when it's gone, IT'S GONE...life's never a beautiful one, until you find what you really want...

Rubbish post...lol~~

Just felt like blogging but there's nothing in particular that I wanna talk about, so I decided to just tell whatever that's coming out of my mind..

First, I can't wait for my spiff to come out, it will be coming out on the 28th of April and I hope my stupid agent won't pass it to me too late and I also hope they won't tax much! If they do, I will find them and "tiu kao" them!!!! It's my earnings and you dare touch it, I'll kill them!

Anyway once my spiff is out, I have lots of things in mind to buy, I hope it's enough to cover everything...lol...well, first, I'll cut my hair, dye and highlight it again, then I will go get myself a sunglass, then shop around for perfume and then if there are balance, I'll go shop for more clothes....

Rewinding all the way back when I went for Tiesto's concert, I bumped into my uni friend, and he was with a few of his friends, one of them was quite cute...for me his cute lor..only introduced name but never take number...*sigh* sad sad....wasted wasted...nevermind, if fated to meet again then let it be..lol...I'm starting to get horny...-cute guy cute guy cute guy- hahahahahaha

WILL computing be my favourite subject?

oh no...last sem and this sem i had to learn this stupid c++ subject....shit lar..first when i was born i had to learn english language, then started to learn chinese language and now COMPUTER LANGUAGE!! what the hell, i will never understand what is it....

we usually speak E.N.G.L.I.S.H how in the world am i gonna learn to speak C.L.A.N.G.U.A.G.E?
someone teach me! lol

Depressed

i'm so not myself thses few days, seriously i need a break..a break far from everyone, a break far from KL.. i need a peaceful place to think what and who am i now..from the beginning of this year till now, i'm so not myself at all..not the Yuen Shin people once knew, not the Yuen Shin people once see, not the Yuen Shin people once used to laugh with..

i'm in great dilemma that i can't say it out in public..i'm so sick of living.. i'm dead serious..i'm wondering now whether to still be seen or not..i'm starting to get depressed..i think i need to talk to someone who can actually help me with my problem before i end up getting crazy..i need someone who can actually wake me up from all this trouble..take me far away..FAR FAR away..

deep down inside me i don't really feel like going to australia to study already, but then because of all the problems and troubles that are going through here, i can't stand it but to leave..i know people will say why should i run away from my problems and instead settle it, but it's not as easy as it seems..i'm trying very hard to solve it, but it never do..so what's the last resort? to run away from it!

do i have a choice? i have to agree with everyone in order to fit in any group, i have to agree with any decision made by people who i respect and love..if i don't will i be having friends now? if i don't do you think people will at least still recognized Yuen Shin as their friend? if i'm always the leader, i don't think i'll actually have any friends already..i am still happy and grateful to have all my friends that I am with now, but then i know there are things which i'm not satisfy with as well, but do i have the choice but to shut up? it's impossible for me to say what have i got to say because in the end i will lose everthing..

i ADMIT i am scared to lose people..if i choose to confront i have to be prepared to lose, but then i am not prepared for it..

p/s: this is only meant to be read. forget about trying to help..is not that i'm trying to be bossy, but then no one can help me but myself, thanks for those who care, and if you care for me, just do me a favour, don't ask me anything..thank you

I WILL FIND MY WAY OUT SOMEDAY....

why "S"

why makes things so difficult when it's so simple actually?

why make me cry when i'm all the while happy?

why make me suffer when i was having fun all the time?

why make my life so miserable when it was sailing smoothly all the while?

why am i losing friends when i used to have plenty once?

why am i failing when i used to pass all the while?

why can't people understand me when i can understand people?

why can't someone just make me happy?

why can't someone stop me from crying?

why can't i have happiness like everyone does?

why can't i have something perfect in my life?

why must i suffer till i always feel like committing suicide?

why must i get hurt when other people don't?

why can't i have a piece of mind?

why must i think so much?

year after year after year

years had passed, yet i still go through the same shit every year..people say easy come easy go, but somehow or rather i easy come HARD go..haha

i hope that i had never bumped, i hope i never had like, i hope i had never had loved and then i will never start..

i hope i never had see, i hope i never had listen, i hope i never had knew and then i won't get hurt..

i'm now just waiting for time to pass by and see what comes next for me

the blue moon rised once again

well, you should know why i chose this title right??

lol..anyway, yes, I have not been blogging for a long time.I've been kinda busy as i am now working part time in Hewlett-Packard as a telemarketer..can you believe it...me working as a telemarketer?? anyway, working life really sucks!!! I wake up at 6 every morning and reach home at 9 every night...ohh gosh, i'm living in the dark!! i barely see sunlight...

i have nothing much to blog about as i am very very tired...i've not been getting enough sleep every night..moreover, it's CHRISTMAS...I've been out most of the times and then, NEW YEAR is round the corner as well...OMG...

although i rush to do things, but i still enjoy it!! haha..i don't know why..!!

p/s: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!

i was never meant to be

i guess i was borned to be an unhappy child since the very second i started breathing...i don't know whether i'm being too sensitive or it's true that everything that i'm sensing it's either gonna happen or it's already happening..

i'm starting to think whether i'm gonna suffer from now till the day i'm gone or it's just a short period of time my sufferings will last..i really want an answer so that i can live my life happily..

everyday i'm hoping for wonders to happen to me but it won't..WHY?? maybe i did a lot of sins in my past life or maybe i was never meant to be happy..

i don't hope for more but i only hope for things to be fine around me...GOD BLESS ME

p/s: to my dear friends who read this, please do me a favour..after reading don't ask me why am i being like this..thank you

FUCK this life

people say life is beautiful...I say life is ugly-ful...i have this someone (a small little girl) whom i looked after since she was borned until she went back to Singapore when she was about 4 to live with her parents...she's my babysitter's grandaughter..i love her so much that people actually thought that i was her mother cause she looks like me...but she's not..well, since i'm an only child, she's like a younger sister to me...when she went back to live with her parents i actually cried cause i know i won't be able to see her, hug her and kiss her that often anymore...

well, as years went by...she grew bigger and of course prettier...taller and smarter...you see, when she was young, she used to scratch when the mosquito bite till it bleeds and till there's a scar...so there are alot of them on her legs...people usually call it...5 cents, 10 cents mark on the legs or hands la...few months ago, when she came back to Malaysia, i visited her...and my babysitter told me to look at the back of her legs..her scar worsen..she scratches even more and now it's like as if her parents burn her with the cigarette or somethings...recently, she came back again, and guess what now the scar is all over her legs and now is slwoly affecting her hands as well, this time, the parents came down to take her to see the specialist...when i look at her legs, i really hope that it was me having those scars and not her...seeing those scars really hurts me..even more, some are just freshly scratch...means i can still see those blood..yes, we told her not to scratch, but then how can a kid control herself from scratching when is so fucking itchy?? even we adults sometimes can't stand it...!! damn!!

i followed my babysitter and her family to port dickson last sunday...and she followed as well, of course..throughout the journey there and back, i kept an eye on her all the way...i took care of her..i gave her all the attention that i can ever give...

what i said above, is already pain enough...(maybe not to everyone cause some will just say, she's just somebody elses daughter but then, all i can say is, i love her more than anything else in the world..really!)..on the way to port dickson, i've heard the even most painful thing i've heard...i quietly sat in the car together with my babysitter and her daughter and son-in-law when i heard that *the little girl that i love so much*'s father has another girl outside...my babysitter went and ask help form those person who can read ones life(some 'sifu')..HE said that, if you want the whole family to be ok, the wife has to quiet about this issue...means although she knows about him having another girl outside, she must act don't know..sooner or later he will come back to her...and that if ever the family breaks, he'll take the older daughter away together with him which is the little girl that i'm talking about...you see, there was once her father when overseas for 2 weeks, and so her mum and her grandparents (mum's side) did not really took good care of her that when her dad came back from overseas, the daughter's scars one her legs got worst..and her dad did say to them that if this happens one more time, he's gonna bring her away along with him...

*sigh sigh* why must all these happen to her?? she's still so young...only 6 years old..she doens't get enough attention when she's in Singapore and in Malaysia, honestly she only gets the most attention from me, her aunty and her grandfather and sometimes her grandmother...(dad's side)..

sometimes i wonder, maybe i'm born to bring bad luck to those i love..anyone that i love so much tends to leave, tends to suffer and i don't know whatelse is gonna happen....i really wish not to see all these things happen..not to see HER suffer and HER family being like that, i really pray nothing bad is gonna happen, wish not to see the one i once love just leave me and made me suffer like shit, not to see the one i love now make me cry...if only someone can teach me what to do...

everyone who sees me thinks that i'm a happy girl with lotsa sparks, flowers, shines and love in my life, i might look strong and steady but actually i'm not..yes there are days that i'm truly happy but most are just so called happy days...deep inside i'm actually very weak..i always cry inside, but smiles outside...i just one someone who really cares for me and is honest to me and sometimes show your love to me cause i cannot read your mind..please, don't always give me mutual messages..i don't know why, but i don't feel it from anyone..maybe i'm a girl who's not easily satisfied and trying to deny the truth or maybe everything around me are really just lies...you may think that i'm nuts...why am i feeling sad and worried for? but nobody will understand me cause even i don't understand myself..even more, you won't feel what have i gone through although i only live through this journey called life for 19 years...so sorry to my friends who really care for me and so sorry to those who i love and whom loves me i know i'm being unfair but----> this message is for you...if one day, i'm gone, and don't have the chance to say thank you for being a great support throughout my journey of life i say it now, and if i'm gone, don't be sad..don't cry cause i don't want to see you cry..smile for me...i'm not crazy while saying this...i seriously can't stand the pain i'm going through at times , not being a good daughter, not being a great friend, not being a good girlfriend, suffering from heartache, suffering from migraine (because of this i have to eat panadols and aspirin like hell), suffering from worries, which will make me so wanna leave the world and i tell you, i have tried before...sometimes, i really hope that i'll get some kinda cancer and peacefully leave this world

but no matter what, i will always love all of you...